As always, it would be greatly appreciated if those who are reading helped me promote the blog. And I'd like to thank those who make this a regular stop on your Internet travels. I wish I updated it more regularly, but hopefully it's enough to make you happy.
Now onto the show.
Raw opening
In the ring is John Cena, looking down, not very happy.
Cena: Last week, I won a match and with it also won the opportunity to join the title match at Wrestlemania. That opportunity is what every wrestler dreams of. Now, unlike other men, I've had that chance many times, so I know how it feels. But let me assure you, no matter how many times you headline the Grandaddy of them all, it never gets old.
Cena: However--and there is a however--I didn't win this match in the most heroic of ways. For some reason, and I think we all know why, Batista decided to interfere in my match. Let me make this 100% clear--I did not know he was going to do so nor did I need him to do so. I'm John Cena, I've had my back against the wall many times before and each time I overcame them without the help of anyone. I did that.
Cena: As a result of that interference, I've been wrestling my most difficult opponent over the last week--my own conscience. Do I accept the opportunity I didn't truly deserve or do I decline the most coveted position in sports entertainment? Some men have walked out of the company for not being able to ever be in that position.
HHH's music hits and he enters with Stephanie.
HHH: John, let me tell you, you are going to accept this match. Like you said, this is an opportunity many others would kill for. And....
Orton's music hits, coming out and facing off with HHH.
Orton: I think Cena has a point, Hunter. What kind of hero would he be to his fans, to the little kids who idolize him if he accepted the title match under such circumstances? But the real question here is what was with you indicating HE would be champion after Wrestlemania? Why?
HHH: Calm down, Randy, I was just promoting the main event. It's about selling it to the people. It had nothing to do with wanting him as champion.
Orton: Well, since Cena has declined the opportunity, I guess you could get charged with false advertisement.
Cena: Hold on there, Randy, I never said I declined. I said I've been wrestling with my conscience over the last week about this. But you see, I kept coming back to one thing--I never had my rematch with Bryan. He's who I want to wrestle, because to me, he's still the real champion. He isn't some puppet of Hunter and the Authority. He's won the title several times only to have you rescued by him. So, I accept this opportunity, I accept the main event at Wrestlemania.
HHH and Cena shake hands as Orton throws a temper tantrum.
Orton: What the hell! You're going let the skinny jeans wearing teenage girl ruin affect everything?
HHH: Umm, I hope you aren't talking about who I think you are.
Orton: You think I'm scared of Batista? He ran away from this company four years ago. He doesn't belong here.
HHH shakes his head as Batista makes his way down to the ring.
Batista powerbombs Orton.
A tag team match is made for the main event--Orton and Bryan vs Batista and Cena.
The Punk Revolution is in the ring, all four staring at the announce booth.
AJ: Last week, Tamina and I stood up for all divas when we attacked the misogynist who regales our audience each and every week with quips regarding the women who entertain our fans. To him, we are nothing more than sexual objects, nothing more than pieces of meat. Last week, he felt what these sexual objects can do.
AJ: Here's the funny thing, several decades ago, that man, Jerry Lawler, made his name by sticking up for women who were being exploited and demeaned by Andy Kaufman. Well, I ask you Jerry Lawler, while you do not wrestle this women, aren't you just as bad as he was? Aren't you just a newer and just as repellant version of that man?
Lawler stands up, microphone in hand.
Lawler: Look, I don't know what I said to offend you, but I'm sorry. I fully respect what you and the other divas do in the ring.
AJ: You have a funny way of showing it. Always commenting on our looks, never referencing the match going on in the ring.
Lawler: What do you want me to say?
AJ: Oh, it isn't what I want you to say, it's what I want you to do. At Wrestlemania, I want you to get into the ring with the Punkasaurus Brodus Clay. If he wins, I want you to retire allowing the WWE to hire their first full time female announcer for the table. It's the 21st century and it's about time.
Lawler: I'm sure you know that WWE won't clear me to wrestle since my heart attack.
JBL stands up.
JBL: I'll take up the challenge for Jerry, if he wants me.
Lawler: Yeah, I'll take a former world champion as my surrogate versus this guy.
AJ: You don't know what you've gotten into. But to give you a demonstration, send out Brodus' opponent.
Ryback's music hits.
Brodus dominates the match, winning with the Pipe Bomb.
They taunt the announce booth after the match.
Backstage segment
Bryan and the Wyatts.
Bray: We left you to your own devices last week, Daniel Bryan, and the ones in the tower made you into a joke again. They've enlisted another in their crusade against you, because you denied us last week.
Bryan: I have to prove I can win the title on my own.
Bray: I sacrificed for you, Daniel Bryan. This opportunity could have been mine. I eliminated myself for you. It cannot be for naught.
Bryan: It won't be. The title is mine.
Bray: Ours, Daniel Bryan. Ours.
Backstage segment
HHH with the New Age Outlaws
Road Dogg: You said you were going to fix our situation.
HHH: I did and I will, at Wrestlemania.
Road Dogg: What's happening at Wrestlemania?
HHH: Tag team mayhem--you vs the Usos vs the Brotherhood.
Billy: What? How does that help us? Are you crazy?
Road Dogg: Calm down, Billy. Hunter always has a plan.
HHH: You're right. Which is why the Shield is also involved. Hopefully between you and the Shield, I can take care of a couple of problems that night.
Billy: He's lost it.
Backstage segment.
The Bella Twins and Natalya.
Brie looking at Nikki and Natalya.
Brie: I don't understand why you didn't check on me last week, Natalya.
Natalya: I could tell you were fine.
Brie: I was out cold!
Nikki holds up the title.
Nikki: This is all the matters so that is what she was checking on.
Brie folds her arms.
Main event
Bryan and Orton vs Batista and Cena
This match devolves into each man for himself, fighting among themselves, even against their own partners. In the end, Batista has dominated the other three participants, standing over all three of them, holding aloft the title.
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